Thoughts

I never did finish pictures of the end of our vacation.  Actually I don't think very many were taken.  The only one that I can actually remember is of the boys at breakfast.  I had a wonderful time spending time with my family.  I hope that we can do it again next year. 

Lots of things have happened since our family vacation.  I got home on a Tuesday night to no air.  And that was during the time when we had 100 degree days.  Needless to say, my butter was swimming!!!  The buttons on the unit I have are plastic and the threads were no longer holding onto the metal part so therefore, no air!  Let me tell you it was a bit warm here!!!  No one to call at that time of night and after messing around with it for a bit, I got out my trusty needle-nose tool and got the darn thing turned on.  I have no clue what the temperature is or if the fan is on high, low and I don't care, but I had some air.  Went to bed with a fan running in my bedroom.  Took the next day off to get the air fixed.  Actually didn't have much choice, if I'm not here nothing gets fixed as no one can get in.  Landlady and repairman both came.  One of the guys on the first floor also had no air, but he couldn't turn his on with a handy little tool!  I was to get new knobs for mine and all would be well.  (I'm still putting my air on by plugging it into the wall and when it gets so cold that I can't stand to be in the living room, I pull the plug!  It's not the best fix but obviously between the landlady and the repairman they forgot to fix anything on mine.  Don, on the other hand, got a new unit, with temperature control and a remote control.  I have to use a step stool to put mine on, off and temperature control -- when there's knobs that work)!  Oh well, air season is just about over.

While waiting for the repairman, I received a call from my son Jim.  We didn't talk very long but he did tell me that they had lost their babies.  They were expecting twins sometime in December.  This was a very high risk pregnancy that Mandy and Jim had taken the time from the first to explain to all of us.  Both babies were in the same sack, but if all went well, the doctors would hospitalize Mandy at 24 weeks and monitor her and the babies 24/7.  If either of the twins would go into distress they would deliver.  Chances of this happening weren't good, but we all prayed for the miracle to happen.  Unfortunately it didn't.  I don't understand the whole thing about the mono-mono pregnancy, but basically they strangled each other.  Mandy had an uneasy feeling so on Wednesday they went to the doctor.  No heartbeats and no blood flow was seen on the initial pictures.  We lost our twins.  What a blow.  All Jim really told me on the phone was that they had lost the babies.  He'd talk to me more later.  Wow!  I didn't know what to say, what to do . . . let me tell you I cried a lot.  I so wanted to be a grandmother of twins!  My heart broke for my children.  Mandy and Jim were devastated!  We all were.  I, personally, spent the next week in a fog!  There isn't anything you can do to help the kids, they basically wanted to be left alone.  And if I did talk to them I didn't know what to say either.  I love both of them very much.  All I really wanted to do was give them a hug and tell them that I cared, that I was so sorry and basically that wasn't going to do any good anyway.  The babies were little girls and have received the names Ruthie Mae and Imogene James.  They were baptized.  Jim and Mandy spent some time with them.  They were cremated together and now are with Jesus in heaven watching over their parents and hopefully their Grandma Joy.  It's difficult to put into words how you feel when something like this happens.  My brother and his wife also lost a child many years ago.  Jer was 2 and was killed in a farm accident.  I spent time with my brother during those dark days.  We didn't talk to each other, just sat together, held hands from time-to-time and tried to give each other strength.  It was hard, very hard.   This was harder.  This was my grandchildren.  I have yet to spend any time with Jim and Mandy since this tragic event has happened in our lives.  I have spoken to Jim on the phone maybe 2 times.  I still shed tears for my lost grandchildren and for Jim and Mandy.  I'm at a loss as to what to say to Jim or even what to do.  They are coping as best they can.  They have two wonderful children to care for and love.  They are trying to bring normal back to their lives.  Mandy has published a lot of pictures of the kids.  They are having fun being a family.  The hurt to their hearts, as well as mine, will be there forever.  It doesn't go away, but it does fad in time.  Ruthie and Imogene will never be replaced.  Life goes on.  When I lost my dad a friend told me (very bluntly) that I had to make a decision -- I could exist or get on with my life.  Hard words to hear when you've lost someone you love so very much.  But I chose to live and get on with my life.  Mandy and Jim have chosen the same path.  Their babies will never be forgotten, but their lives will go on.  It's hard to accept 'it was God's plan' as an answer, but I guess I have.  I don't know about my children.  I don't understand why but I do know that he has his reasons for everything that happens to us.  Faith is a wonderful thing to have, it also hurts so bad at times.  

Now I'm facing some big time dental hurts!  Dentists scare the hell out of me!  All goes back to when I was young and an episode that happened to me.  For whatever the reason, I can't seem to get over it.  I've been having some pain in my mouth and my front teeth are awful.  I finally got enough guts to see a dentist.  It's going to cost me a bit, but I am going to get my smile back and be able to laugh out loud without having to always cover my mouth.  I have to have two extracted (one is beyond repair and the other is a wisdom tooth that is coming in very crooked!)  I'm scared to death, but will be having sedation dentistry.  I go to have the teeth taken care of this coming Wednesday.  Basically I have to take the whole day off from work.  Need to be at the dentist office at 9:45 for the IV and the surgery will be about half an hour.  I have to stay in the office for about an hour after surgery to make sure all is well.  I have a friend that will be my driver for the day and be at the office while I'm in surgery.  Betsy will take me home (or get up the steps is more like it) and then we'll use cell phones to communicate the rest of the day.  I'm thinking I'll be doing a lot of sleeping and please say a prayer that I won't have any problems once I'm home.  Drugs are wonderful and I'm sure I'll have something for pain, if needed.  The tooth that is unrepairable has an abscess so I'm sure I'll have to have medication for that.  I'm hoping to only have to be off work for one day.  I may not be the happiest of campers on Thursday morning but my plans right now are to go to work.  Guess I'll take it a day at a time.  After the surgery I'll be having an implant and that takes a few months to get my mouth back in good shape and have everything work the way the dentist wants it to.  I also have a number of cavities (imagine that) but they too will be taken care of in one sitting.  Again sedation will be used.  It's the only way I'm going to be able to make that work.  Dentists scare me.  Both of the dentists I'm working with right now are very reassuring and are trying very much to make me comfortable.  I'll get through this, but I don't think I'm going to be the happiest of people during it.  

I also have medical doctor appointments within all the dentist appointments.  Life is just a merry-go-round at times.  Medical is just blood work for diabetes, but means at least 2 visits to the doctor's office. 

I am also taking some time to go to social security and talk to them about retirement.  Well not really retirement, but beginning to collect on my social security.  I've found in the last couple of months a number of my friends that are doing that.  Working and collecting.  I'll be 65 next month and can collect my full benefits at 66.  I have a lot of questions and know that Kathy will be able to help me out.  But again, I have to take off work!!!!!  I'm sure all will work out in the end.  Some days I feel like I'm chasing my own tail!!!  When all that is over, I want a vacation.  A real vacation -- go someplace for a couple of days and just relax.  Let someone else feed me!  I know it won't be anything special, just a couple of days away from Dubuque.

I've been working on memory books for my family from our vacation.  I have one complete and working on another.  I've been running off different pictures for the people that I'm making the books for.  That is my saving grace!  Scrapbooking keeps me sane (unless I run out of adhesive!)  

It's time to do something with the time I have today.  Said my piece.  Please pray for my son and his family.  I ask God to bless them and keep them safe everyday.  Help them through this hard time in their lives.